I’m 3 weeks into this semester and things are going okay right now. So far, I’m making straight A’s, I hope I can keep that up. I only have 3 semesters left. In 16 months, hopefully I will finally be done with homework, studying, moving from job to job, leaving my friends behind, testing, and all that stress.
With that being said, I’m excited to finally get my life on track and get settled into something. I’ve been that girl that everyone says “She’ll never get married” and “She’ll never have kids.”
I was engaged once. It was stupid really. It was with my high school sweetheart. We dated for like 3.5 years. I honestly thought he was “the one”. I still think about him sometimes. Not because I miss him or wish for another chance, but just because I never really got closure with him. He broke my heart and I never knew why. He's loss though. That's what I mainly think about. We were young. We were dumb. We were fine until we got engaged and talked about marriage. Less than a year later, he broke up with me. I’ve never really told anyone HE is the reason why I think of marriage in a whole different way. I try to say it’s because of different reasons, but that’s because I’ve always been “the strong one”. Everyone always came to me for answers and advice.
You know what? I DO want to get married. I want an engagement that makes headlines. I want to be a bridezilla. I want to plan a wedding. I want to pick out cake flavors, pick bridesmaids, and flower designs. I want to have a "first dance". I want my friends to give us a toast. I want to see my mom cry. I want MY day. I want a wedding shower with a new blender and mixer. I want a spa day with my friends. I want people to be happy for me. BUT...I am scared. I'm scared of being hurt. I'm scared marriage will complicate things like before. I'm scared of the big "D". I dont believe in divorce. My parents have been together since the 4th grade. I want that. I dont want to deal with all the drama and pain of divorce. When do you know you're ready for marriage? How do you know you're not setting yourself up for divorce in 5 years or 72 days? I guess when the time is right...we'll know.
One thing that drives me insane is people who "think" they're ready. 40% of you are probably right. But even discussing marriage when you've only been dating for a month? Getting married to someone you barely know. Marring someone before you discuss your life plans. Talking about kids when you dont even have a career...when you dont even have a house! You cant jump into marriage and kids and then hope by the time a few months passes, everything falls into place! That's not how you plan for things. This is why divorces are so common. This is why there are so many single mothers on welfare. I cant stand people who think they have everything figured out, when they don't. Wake up already!
I'm 27. I'll be 30 before I know it. I'm not married and I have no kids of my own. But you know what...I'm okay with that. I'm not divorced and trying to raise a child on my own. I will have everything I want someday and it will be amazing!!
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