These past few months have really taken a toll on me. Since July.... Josh's car needs a new motor, my lap top broke, I've spent $3500 + on school out of MY own pocket, I lost my job, my dryer broke, my washer flooded my house...the list goes on and on. Granted things could be much worse..its just been one thing after another.
Josh has been so supportive of the decisions I've made and he's been the provided for us. My parents have done so much to help us out. I owe them so much. I have such a great support system. I've met some great people along the way.
But..is all this REALLY worth it? Can I really continue this for another year and a half? What happens in the winter time when Josh isn't working as much? How are the bills gonna get paid? There is just so much running through my mind.
I'm not the person I was before the summer. It seemed like everything was falling into place. Can something so good make me feel this bad? Am I just stressed out or will this soon pass? My hair has been falling out in clumps, I've gained all the weight back I lost before the summer, I've had pneumonia and strep throat, I've had several panic attacks in a few short months.
My parents and Josh support me in whatever decision I make. But one needs to be made very soon. I have a few important meetings this week on top of everything else and just hope that I have the strength and courage to do what I want.
I am a good person. I will be successful. I am loved for who I am not where I'm headed. I am excited for what the future holds and whatever path I take. I just do not want to be judged in whatever decision I make. It is MY life....
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